Forums Divorced & Dating Again InterraciallyAny other divorced folks finding dating interracially feels different the second time around?

Any other divorced folks finding dating interracially feels different the second time around?

Jasmine K.

11 posts

Jasmine K.

I’m 46, newly divorced, and back on the apps in Philly after 15 years of marriage. My ex-wife is white, I’m Black, and I honestly didn’t expect the dating world to feel so different now that I’m older and have two teenagers in the mix. Back when I was younger, interracial dating felt exciting and kind of simple, but now it feels like everybody has an opinion, or a weird assumption, or baggage they’re carrying from their own past relationships. I met a woman on Hinge last month who seemed really cool at first. We talked about books, jazz, and bad diner food, and then on the second date she asked if I’d “mind dating white women again” since I had been married to one. I didn’t even know how to answer that without making it awkward. I’m open to dating interracially again, but I want it to feel normal, not like some social experiment. How do you handle those conversations without making things tense? And is it just me, or does dating after divorce make people either way too careful or way too nosy?

1d ago

159

2 replies

Marcus D.BASIC

#1 · 1d ago

I think the second-time-around thing is real because you’re not just dating for attraction anymore, you’re dating with history. I’m in Seattle and divorced from a Korean American woman, and now when I date I’m way more aware of cultural stuff, family expectations, all of it. That can be a good thing, though. It means you can spot the difference between someone who’s genuinely curious and someone who’s turning your life into a checkbox. The woman asking about “mind dating white women again” sounds like she was trying to be honest, but maybe clumsy. I’d probably answer honestly and see if she can handle an actual conversation.

Jordan B.BASIC

#2 · 1d ago

Not just you at all. I’m in Houston, divorced 3 years, and I swear post-divorce dating makes people ask the strangest questions like they’re trying to diagnose your entire past in one coffee meet-up. I’ve found it helps to answer lightly but set a boundary fast. Something like, “I’m open to all kinds of people, but I’m really just looking for a good connection, not a comparison to my ex.” If they can’t roll with that, they’re probably not mature enough for you.