Forums Pacific Islander & Polynesian InterracialAny other Pacific Islanders here dating outside the culture and feeling weird about it?

Any other Pacific Islanders here dating outside the culture and feeling weird about it?

Priya Patel

PREMIUM

14 posts

Priya PatelPREMIUM

I’m a Fijian woman living in Brisbane and I’ve been on and off with a Filipino guy I met on Hinge for almost a year. He’s honestly lovely, super family-oriented, and gets that vibe from the jump, which is part of why I like him. But sometimes I get this random guilt like I’m not doing enough to keep my own culture alive, especially since most of my friends are dating within their own backgrounds and their parents are way more involved. My family’s not against him, but they definitely ask a lot of questions. My grandma keeps asking if he knows how to respect elders and whether he eats taro. He laughed and said he’s from a huge Catholic family so he’s basically used to auntie interrogation, which helped. Still, I’m wondering how other Pacific Islanders handle that feeling of being “in between” when you’re with someone outside your own culture. Do you just stop overthinking it, or did it take you a while to feel settled?

Mar 25

2 replies

Sarah M.BASIC

#1 · Mar 25

I’m from Honolulu and married a Black guy from Oakland, and I had that exact guilt for a while. I kept thinking I was somehow losing part of myself because I wasn’t with another Hawaiian. But honestly, culture isn’t only who you date. It’s how you show up for your family, what you cook, what language you pass down, the stories you keep alive. My husband doesn’t need to be Hawaiian for us to do makahiki stuff with the kids, go to family beach cleanups, or sit through auntie conversations for three hours. If he respects where I come from, that counts. The guilt eased up when I stopped treating love like a cultural betrayal.

Jordan B.BASIC

#2 · Mar 26

I’m Samoan and my partner is Filipino too, so I get the mixed-culture thing from both sides. What helped me was realizing nobody has a perfect formula. Some of my cousins date islander guys and still barely know their own language or customs, so it’s not really about who you’re with. Also, Filipino and Pacific Islander families overlap a lot more than people think. The auntie energy, the food, the loud group chats, the random questions about marriage and babies… it’s all there lol. If he’s making an effort and your heart feels calm with him, that matters more than the pressure in your head.