Forums LGBTQ+ InterracialBlack/Latina lesbian dating a white girl in Atlanta and the family stuff is getting real

Black/Latina lesbian dating a white girl in Atlanta and the family stuff is getting real

17 posts

So I’ve been seeing this girl for about 7 months now and honestly she’s amazing. We met on Hinge in Atlanta, both of us in our late 20s, both pretty busy with work, and it started off super chill. She’s white, I’m Black and Puerto Rican, and we’re both women, so there’s already a lot going on there culturally, but in a good way most days. She’s sweet, thoughtful, and the type to remember little things like what coffee I order without asking. I really do like her a lot. The problem is my family is starting to ask more questions because she’s been around for some holidays now, and I can tell my mom is trying to be nice but she’s got that cautious energy. My dad hasn’t said much, but he definitely noticed she’s white. Thanksgiving was the first time she came to dinner, and my aunt kept asking her where she was “really from” even though she was born in Georgia. My girl handled it well, but I could see she felt awkward. Later she told me she doesn’t want to feel like a guest at every family thing forever, and I get that. I guess I’m wondering how other queer interracial couples deal with family stuff when everybody’s polite but still kinda weird about it. I don’t want to put her in situations where she feels judged, but I also don’t want to hide her or make it seem like I’m ashamed. Any advice on making it less tense? Or is this one of those things that just gets easier with time?

Mar 13

3 replies

Jordan B.BASIC

#1 · Mar 13

Girl, I felt this. I’m in Philly and I’ve been with my wife 11 years, I’m Black and she’s white, and the family awkwardness was REAL at first. What helped us was not forcing the big family events too soon. We started with smaller stuff, like one aunt’s birthday or a backyard cookout, so people could get used to her without all the pressure of Thanksgiving-level energy. Also, I had to have a real talk with my mom before bringing her around again. Not in a fighting way, just like, “Hey, if you ask her where she’s really from, that’s rude and I need you to stop.” It was uncomfortable but it made a difference. Sometimes folks need to hear it straight from their kid.

James T.

#2 · Mar 14

I’m a white lesbian married to a Dominican woman, and whew, the family curiosity can turn into microaggressions real fast if nobody checks it. Your aunt asking where she was “really from” is exactly the kind of thing that can make a person feel like they’re being examined instead of welcomed. My advice is to talk to your girl about what she needs from you in those moments. Sometimes it’s a quick redirect, sometimes it’s you pulling family aside after. The big thing is making it clear to her that you’re on her side out loud, not just in private. That matters a lot.

Jordan B.BASIC

#3 · Mar 15

Not in an interracial relationship myself, but I’m a bi dude in Houston and I’ve watched my sister go through this with her girlfriend. One thing she did was stop trying to make every holiday a test. Sounds weird, but once she accepted that some relatives were gonna be awkward no matter what, she relaxed a little and it stopped feeling like a performance. At the same time, you don’t wanna just let disrespect slide forever. There’s a difference between someone being clumsy and somebody being rude on purpose. If your girlfriend’s willing, maybe y’all can agree on a few exit lines or signals for when she needs a break.