Forums Cultural Exchange & FoodLearning my girlfriend's family recipes before Diwali and i think I'm in over my head lol

Learning my girlfriend's family recipes before Diwali and i think I'm in over my head lol

Priya Patel

PREMIUM

14 posts

Priya PatelPREMIUM

So I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a little over a year, and this is the first time I’m helping her family get ready for Diwali. We’re in Jersey City, and her mom already put me to work making samosas last weekend. I thought I was doing okay until I realized I was folding them all wrong and basically making little weird triangles instead of the nice neat ones her aunt does. Her mom was nice about it, but I could tell she was trying not to laugh. What’s been cool though is how much the food is tied to everything else. Like, it’s not just cooking, it’s the whole house smell, the music in the background, people dropping by with trays of sweets, and everybody arguing about who makes the best chai. My family is more the “throw a ham in the oven and call it a holiday” type, so I’m trying to learn without acting clueless. Anybody else have tips on blending holidays or learning family recipes without feeling like a total outsider?

Mar 27

2 replies

Tasha Williams

#1 · Mar 27

That sounds really sweet honestly. I’m Puerto Rican and my husband is Bengali, and the first year I tried helping with his family’s Eid prep, I was scared to touch anything because everything had a system I didn’t understand. His aunt finally handed me the spice mix job and said if I could handle that, I could handle anything. Turns out the best move is just asking what’s the one thing they really need help with, then doing it well. Also don’t stress the samosa folds too much. My mother-in-law still teases me about the first batch of puri I made in Queens, but now it’s kind of become my thing. Families remember effort way more than perfect technique.

Ben O'ConnorPREMIUM

#2 · Mar 28

Honestly the biggest thing is letting them teach you instead of trying to impress them. My boyfriend’s family is Jamaican and I made the mistake of showing up with my own “improved” curry goat idea from some random TikTok recipe. Big mistake lol. His grandma politely tasted it and then quietly showed me how they actually do it in Flatbush, and it was way better. If you can, ask for one family recipe and write it down exactly how they say it. The little stuff matters, like how long they fry something or what it’s supposed to smell like. That’s how I got closer with his mom too, just standing in the kitchen asking questions while she corrected me.