ForumsColorism, Skin Tone & DatingMy boyfriend says he doesn't have a color preference but his exes all look the same...
My boyfriend says he doesn't have a color preference but his exes all look the same...
I’m kind of stuck in my head about this, so I wanted to ask people here. I’m a Latina woman in Chicago dating a white guy, and things are mostly good between us. He’s sweet, consistent, all that. But we were talking about past relationships the other night and I noticed every woman he mentioned was light-skinned, brunette, and kind of petite. Then I looked at old tagged pics on Facebook and yeah... same pattern.
I asked him if he’s got a type and he laughed and said, “I just liked them as people.” Maybe that’s true, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s more into lighter skin than he wants to admit. I’ve dealt with that before, like being the “spicy” option or the fun changeup, so I’m probably sensitive. I don’t want to start a dumb fight, but I also don’t want to ignore a real thing if it’s there. How do you even bring this up without sounding paranoid?
Mar 11
33
2 repliesB
Ben O'ConnorPREMIUMHonestly, I’d bring it up gently but directly. Not in a dramatic way, just like “I noticed your past relationships all had a certain look and it made me wonder how you think about attraction.” Sometimes people get defensive because they hear it as an accusation, but you’re just asking for honesty.
If he’s genuinely not about colorism, he should be able to talk about it without making you feel silly for asking. And if he gets weird or starts saying stuff like “you’re not like other girls,” that’s usually your answer right there.
K
Keisha L.I’ve been the one on the other side of this, and it can be messy because people really do have patterns without fully realizing why. I’m a Black woman and I dated a guy in Brooklyn who swore he didn’t have a preference, but every woman he’d ever dated was biracial or light-skinned. He wasn’t evil, just kind of blind to his own bias.
What helped was being honest about how it landed for me. I told him I didn’t want to be someone’s experiment or exception. If your boyfriend cares, he’ll probably want to reassure you and maybe even examine his own stuff a little. That’s a good sign. If not, well, better to know now than six months from now.
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