New here from San Diego — single dad trying to do this right
What’s up everybody, I’m Chris, 38, in San Diego. I’m a single dad with two kids, and I’m new to the forum because dating has been rough for me lately. I divorced about three years ago, and after that I mostly focused on work, the kids, and trying not to make a mess of my life. Now I’m finally back out there, and I’m realizing dating as a single parent is already complicated before you even get to race and culture stuff.
I’m Latino, and I’ve mostly dated Latina women in the past, but lately I’ve been talking to a Black woman I met on Bumble. She’s funny, smart, and super direct, which I really appreciate. At the same time, I don’t want to come in with old habits or assumptions. My ex and I had a lot of messy baggage, and I’m trying hard not to bring that energy into something new.
I guess I’m here to learn and just connect with people who get it. How do you all balance being a parent, dating, and making sure the other person feels respected and not like they’re being put into some weird “checklist” situation? I’m trying to be careful and not move too fast, but also not act like I’m not interested.
Mar 29
28
3 repliesM
Mike HernandezHey Chris, welcome. Single mom here in Houston and I feel this so much. Dating with kids is already a whole job, and then when you add cultural differences, it can feel like you need a manual that doesn’t exist. What I’ve learned is to be upfront about your life without dumping everything on the first date.
If she’s a good match, she’ll probably appreciate that you’re being real about your kids and your pace. Just don’t make her feel like she has to audition to be around your family. That part matters a lot.
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Priya PatelPREMIUMWelcome from one parent to another. I’m in Oakland and have been with my partner for 5 years, I have a son and he’s got a daughter from a previous relationship. We’re interracial too, and honestly the biggest thing that made it work was patience and consistency. Kids can tell real quick if somebody’s just talking or if they actually care.
For me, the best relationships started when nobody was trying to force a label on week one. Enjoy getting to know her, let her see the real you, and keep your boundaries clear. That’s way more attractive than trying to be perfect.
K
Keisha L.Hey Chris, I think you’re already ahead of a lot of guys just by asking the question. I’m in Miami and dated a single dad for a while, and the thing that turned me off wasn’t the kids at all — it was when he acted like his whole life was too complicated for me to understand. That made me feel pushed out before I even had a chance.
So my advice is include her in the reality, but don’t make her carry it. If she’s interested, she’ll respect the honesty. And if not, better to know early than later.
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