Forums ENM, Poly & Open RelationshipsNew to ENM and feeling weird about telling people on Hinge

New to ENM and feeling weird about telling people on Hinge

10 posts

So me and my partner have been in a pretty solid open relationship for about 8 months now. We’re in Atlanta and decided to try ENM after a lot of talking, therapy, the whole thing. It’s been good overall, but I’m still weirdly nervous about actually putting it out there when I’m talking to new people. Like I don’t wanna spring it on someone after we’ve been chatting for days, but I also don’t wanna lead with it and scare everybody off. I matched with this woman on Hinge last week and we had a really good convo about food, music, and weirdly enough, our moms both being from the Caribbean. I really wanted to ask her out, but then I got stuck because I didn’t know how to bring up that I’m not monogamous without sounding like I was hiding something. Has anybody else dealt with this? Do you mention it in your profile or wait till after some small talk? I feel like I’m doing it wrong either way. Also, family stuff is making it harder. My sister keeps asking when I’m “finally settling down,” and I just don’t even know how to explain my relationship without getting the side-eye. I know ENM isn’t for everyone, I just want to do it respectfully and not come off like I’m playing games.

Mar 7

3 replies

Emily Chen

#1 · Mar 7

You’re not wrong for feeling nervous, especially if family is in your ear about it. I’ve been married 11 years and we’ve been open for 3, and I still get awkward sometimes. It’s one thing to know your own relationship is healthy, another thing to explain it to folks who already have assumptions. My advice is don’t over-explain. You don’t owe strangers your whole relationship history. Be clear, be kind, and let them decide if it works for them. If they ask questions, answer them honestly, but you don’t need to make a speech about ethics and personal growth on the first date.

Priya PatelPREMIUM

#2 · Mar 8

Honestly, I put it right in my profile now because it saves everybody time. I used to wait until after a few messages, but I felt like I was wasting people’s energy and mine too. I’m in Philly and dating is already enough of a mess without adding confusion lol. If you really like someone, you can still keep it simple. Something like, “Just so you know, I’m in an open relationship and like to be upfront about that.” That’s it. The right people won’t act weird, and the ones who do probably weren’t gonna be a fit anyway.

DeAndre W.

#3 · Mar 8

I had the same issue when I started dating again after my divorce. I’m a single dad in Houston and I was sooo scared of looking messy. What helped was using a couple apps that are more open-minded and being direct early. It actually made me feel better once I stopped trying to “smooth it over.” Also, the right person may surprise you. I told one woman I was ENM on the second convo and she was like, “Cool, thanks for being honest.” We dated casually for a while and it was probably the easiest connection I’ve had in years. Not everybody will get it, but some people really will.