Forums Expecting & New Parents (Biracial Baby)Newborn hair, holiday visits, and my in-laws acting like my daughter is a science experiment

Newborn hair, holiday visits, and my in-laws acting like my daughter is a science experiment

Jasmine K.

11 posts

Jasmine K.

I had my baby girl in November and she’s the cutest little thing ever, but whew, I was not prepared for the attention. I’m Latina and my husband is Jamaican, and we’re in the Bay Area. Everyone was so sweet at first, then the questions started. People kept asking what color her eyes would be, what her hair would look like, if she’d be “more this or more that.” Like can she just be a baby first?? The worst part was Thanksgiving at my husband’s family house. His aunt kept trying to guess what she’d look like when she grows up, and my mom was doing the same thing from the other side of the room. I know nobody meant harm, but I was already tired, sore, and emotional, and I just wanted to feed my baby in peace. My husband tried to step in, but I still felt kinda invisible in my own living room. Now I’m trying to figure out how to set boundaries before Christmas because both families want pictures, visits, and all the opinions. Any tips on keeping the holidays calm with a newborn and everybody being nosy?

Mar 24

179

3 replies

Mike Hernandez

#1 · Mar 24

Omg the holiday season with a newborn is no joke. I had my son right before Christmas and everybody turned into a commentator. I finally told both families that visits had to be short and no one was allowed to pass the baby around like a football. Best decision ever. If your husband can take the lead with his side and you take the lead with yours, that might help a lot. Sometimes it lands better when it comes from their own family member.

David Okafor

#2 · Mar 25

You’re not alone. I’m in Seattle and my twins are biracial, and the amount of people who turned into hair texture analysts was wild. The best line I heard was, “She’s not a conversation piece.” I’ve used that twice now and it works pretty well. Also, take pictures for yourself, not for the whole extended family. The first holidays are already emotional enough without everybody acting like they’re entitled to access.

Lisa NakamuraPREMIUM

#3 · Mar 25

I feel this so hard. I’m Dominican and my wife is Black, and her side kept talking about whether our daughter would have “good hair” like it was a lottery ticket. I had to start saying, “Please don’t discuss her body like that,” which felt awkward but also necessary. For Christmas, we did one family brunch and one family dinner, and that was IT. No back-to-back all day stuff. Newborns don’t care about holiday schedules, they just want milk and sleep.